Today is a new day...

So the first time I posted I was starting to feel overwhelmed by life and all its fun little curve balls... The second time I posted it was like I had recently been hit by a high speed train and my world was falling apart (also known as the height of Allie's sickness while simultaneously dealing with a 6 page long to-do list). Well today is a much much better day. Allie is on the road to recovery... She can sleep again and I'm not getting called at work about her coughs or hearing her stories about her almost-throw up that crushed me. School is at its height... There are 2 weeks left in the quad (which is the length of the typical class in the accelerated program, half of a semester) and I still have my to-do list but I'm actually making progress. So that being said, I did have to make some changes... I have shown a tendency to push people away when times get tough. I know that's why I pushed Ian away, the whole beginning half of 2014 was really tough on me and it almost felt like he was a burden that I kept ignoring and felt guilty about... But now I have Rich... And saying he makes me happy is an understatement. So I sat here and re-evaluated my life and realized what is important to me... My job- I love teaching but home study and tutoring are not my passion, so I'm giving up my after school jobs (bye bye bigger pay checks)... My masters- I want my degree dammit! I'm not a quitter and when the going gets tough, I get tougher... My munchkin- because she deserves to have me at home more... And my guy- because I don't have enough in my life that makes me happy to just give up on him like that. Without the burden of 2x a week home study with an additional day of assignment gathering, or 10 hour work days just to go home and lesson plan or grade... I can focus on my 4 things and I know I'll be fine. But now that I'm feeling fine, I can look back and tell you all what my problem was... Guilt. Plain and simple guilt. I'm not a "no regrets" person... I mean I wouldn't change anything but man do the what ifs really weigh me down. And then there are days like last week where people verbally confirmed my many failures and I kind of just downward spiraled. Not to mention I took on way too many things and not being able to do my usual above and beyond for each one made me feel like a failure. Failing led to guilt.... Guilt led to crazy town. So as they say, today is a new day... I felt good. I could breathe without the elephant on my chest. Sure my paycheck will be a tiny bit smaller but I still make enough to survive so we'll live :)