Done...

I'm so done with life sometimes. Feels like it sees that I'm down then runs up and kicks me a few million times. School/work is just as stressful for the same reasons I posted last time except my sick kid went from regular sick to possessed sick. She gets sent home for coughing. She actually coughs so much her face will turn pale/blue. And the doctors have no idea what to tell me. Can't just lock her indoors because she gets it inside (it's way worse outdoors but it's still bad inside). I give her an allergy medication and it does nothing. They prescribe her an inhaler which is "a little much" according to everyone and it does absolutely nothing. They're saying she's possibly asthmatic but the inhaler would be helping if that were the case. Cough medications are useless. She sleeps propped on 3 pillows. And every 5 minutes I hear her coughing and choking on her cough so I'm not sleeping because I'm too dang worried about her. What do I do??? Don't answer that because if u hear one more "well have you tried..." I'll literally go ape shit crazy and slap my head through a wall. I've tried everything... And if I missed something, then too bad, add it to the list of why I fail as a mom. I'm typing this up on my phone now because one of the weird things that stops her cough is me massaging her feet (totally wish I was joking but if I'm here doing this she can go the entire time without one cough. I stop and she starts back up again). So my school work is piling up. My work work is not done. I'm way behind on sleep. My anxiety is through the roof. My heart is pounding almost nonstop and leaving me with this sense of dread. And there's nothing I can do but stare at my baby and wonder when it's going to get easier. Did I mention it's all my fault since I'm the one who brought her to bakersfield and started all this. Fuck Yeah. I'm the best. Ranting vent over.